iCharts Discussions

[shekharinvest]

Nandan Nilekani's dream - How the Indian National ID card will work....!!!



Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu.....
Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ?"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints].....!!!

[Allwell]

Funny Line for advice. . !

perfect suit for stock market

I Always Learn
From The Mistake Of Others
Who Take My Advice:

[shekharinvest]

3 log marne ke baad swarg ke darwaze par pahuche.

Pehla bola – Mai pujari hu, maine aapki zindagi bhar sewa ki mujhe andar aane do.

God – Narak me ja.

Doosra bola – Mai doctor hu. Maine zindagi bhar logo ki sewa ki mujhe andar aane do.

God – Tu b Narak me ja.

Teesra – Mai “Equity & Commodities trader hun…"

God (emotional hokar) – Bas kar pagle, rulayega kya, chal andar aaja, tune to narak ki saari saza pahele paa li hai….

[pkholla]

The horse and mule live thirty years
And know nothing of wines and beers

The goat and sheep at twenty die
And never taste of Scotch or rye

The cow drinks water by the ton
And at eighteen is mostly done

The dog at fifteen cashes in
Without the aid of rum and gin

The cat in milk and water soaks
And then in twelve short years it croaks

The modest sober bone dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs then dies at ten

All animals are strictly dry
They sinless live and swiftly die

But sinful ginful rum soaked men
Survive for three score and ten

And some of them- a very few-
Stay pickled till they're ninety-two!

Kushwant Singh

[pkholla]

Christian padre and Bombay taxi driver both go to heaven
St Peter (door keeper) says to padre please wait your turn and respectfully says to Bombay taxi driver : here take gold thread shawl and gold plated stick, enter heaven, and bows to him
St Peter turns to padre and gives him torn cotton shawl and broken stick and says go, very rudely.
Padre is upset says I am devoted servant of God I prayed for him 35 years and this is what I get? Look at that taxi driver, he says in tears
St Peter says rudely: for 35 years you bored people to death, made them sleep and many left our church. Look at the taxi driver! For 30 years he made life a hell for pedestrians and private vehicle owners, made them remember God whenever he started his taxi
WHO DO YOU THINK IS MORE VALUABLE TO GOD?

[pkholla]

Some one is posting "change of gaurd" daily in gann. This reminds me: There is a very funny incident of Ian Chappell and Greg Chappell who were playing agnst India. After a century stand, finding his guard/ box/ langot soaking wet, Ian asked 12th man to bring a change. Dropping his trousers on the pitch itself, he "changed his guard". Since he was known as chappelli = chappell+i, the langot also got new name = langoti (langot + i) since that day!
Regards Prakash Holla

[shekharinvest]

.....................

[shekharinvest]

पी टी के शहर इस तरह की कार चलती है

[Allwell]

Why can't government spread rumors that LPG cylinder will cost just 300 rupees in Walmart?......

[Allwell]

शादी से पहले प्रेमिकाओं की शर्त ---

मै सात फेरे तभी लुंगी जब तुम सातवाँ सिलिंडर लाने का वादा करोगे

[jdpt]

Santa was lying on beach,

Amrican: R u Relaxing?
Santa:No i m Santa Singh,

Another American: R u relaxing?
Santa: No
I m Santa Singh
Another American: R u relaxing?
Santa: No (Shouting)
I m Santa Singh
Santa leaves the place in anger.

Then Santa asks an American lying nearby,
R u relaxing?
American: Yes.

Santa slaps him & says, Sale sab tujhe dhund rahe hai aur pareshan mujhe karrahe hain..

[jdpt]

Jungle Mai Cheeta Bidi Pine Wala Tha,
1 Chuha Aaya Aur Bola..
"Bhai, Chhod Do Nasha, Aao Mere Sath,
Dekho Jungle Kitna Khoobsurat Hai !"
Cheeta Chuhe K 7 Chal Diya.

Agey Hathi Drugs Le Raha Tha.
Chuhe Ne Usey Bhi Yehi Sab Kaha,
Haati Bhi 7 Chal Diya.

Agey Sher Whisky Pine Wala Tha.
Chuhe Ne Usey Bhi Kaha.
Sher Ne Glass Rakha Aur
Chuhe Ko 5 Thappd Mare.
Haathi- Kyu Maar Rahe Ho Bechare Ko ?

Sher- Iss Saale Ne Kal Bhi Bhang Pi Ke
Mujhe 3 Ghante Jungle Mai Ghumaya Tha !!!

[jdpt]

Budha Budhi Ki Kahani
'
1 budha aya saath me 1 budhiya ko laya
'
Hotel me ja k waiter ko bulaya
'
Dono ne apna-apna order mangaya
'
Pehle budhe ne khaya budhiya ne pankha
hilaya
'
Fir budhiya ne khaya budhe ne pankha hilaya
'
Ye dekh k Waiter sharmaya aur usne farmaya
'
Aye Laila Majnu k Maa Baap
'
.
Tum dono me itna pyar hai to
khana 1 sath Q nahi khaya?
'
Is par budhe ne farmaya!!!
'
((Hehehe
Hans mat yarr , hasoge to budha nai
batayega fir ))
.
.
.
budhe ne farmaya!!!
'
Beta tera sawal to nek hai,
'
Par hmare pas Daanto ka set sirf ek hai..

[jdpt]

Teacher:
Homework Kiun Nhi Kiya?
Stdnt:
Sir, Light Nhi Thi.
Teachr:
To Mom-Batti Jala Lete.
Student:
Sir, Maachis Nhi Thi.
Teachr:
Machis Kyon Nai Thi?
Student:
Pooja Ghar Me Rkhi Thi.
Teachr:
To Wahan Se Le Aate.
Student:
Nahaya Hua Nhi Tha.
Teachr:
Nahaye Kyon Nhi Thy?
Student:
Pani Nhi Tha Sir.
Teachr:
Pani Kiun Nhi Tha?
Student:
Sir Motor Nhi Chal Rahi Thi.
Teachr:
Ullu K Pathy Motor Kiun Nai
Chal Rahi Thi?
Student:
Sir Bataya Toh....Light Nhi Thi....

[jdpt]

Police wale ne carwale ko roka- "yeh suraksha week hai. Aap belt pehn
kar car chala rahe hain, isliye aapko Rs 5,000 ka inaam
dia jata hai. aap is inaam ka kya karoge ?"
car driver- "mein iss inaam seapna driving license banwaunga"
pichli seat par baithi uski maa boli- "iski bat ka yakin mat karo.
ye sharab pi kr kuch b bolta hai."
uske papa bole- "muje pata tha ki chori ki car me
hm zyada dur nhi ja payenge."
Tabhi dikki se awaz ayi-
"bhai hmne border par kar liakya ?