iCharts Discussions

pattiboy02 · White Belt Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 220

Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want then, When you see what the other person has,You wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No but the thought of long life will never come

Why do couples hold hands during their Wedding?

It's a formality just like Two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It ' s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It ' s like asking someone,

If suicide is better or being murdered.

It is difficult to understand GOD.

He makes such beautiful things as women and Then,

he turns them into Wives.

Before marriage,

A man will lie awake all night Thinking about something you say.

After marriage,

he 'll fall asleep before you finish.

There' s a way of transferring funds

That is even faster than electronic banking.

It 's called marriage.

Girlfriends are like CHOCOLATES - Taste good anytime.

Lovers are like PIZZAS - Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wife 's are like Dhal & RICE - Eaten when there' s no choice.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don' t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women ' ?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

]Q: Why dogs don ' t marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog' s life!

There was this guy who told his woman

That he loved her so much that he Would go through hell for her.

They got married and now he is going thru hell.

Fact of life:

One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

Q: Why doesn 't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per the law You cannot be punished twice For the same offence!

jimmie · Expert Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 357

A Tamil got burnt on his thigh. Doctor advised him to apply Burnol on
the burn and prescribed him medicine as Viagra. Astonished, he asks : Burnol, OK... But why Viagra ?
Doctor : It will keep your lungi away from the burn.[/b]

pattiboy02 · White Belt Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 220

Some expression caught on camera

It includes some of mine

shekharinvest · Yellow Belt Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 549

Jimmie,

From where do you get these riotous jokes

SHEKHAR

Allwell · White Belt Joined: 24 Jan 2010 Posts: 183

Suhagraat ko Husband Bola "Ijaazat Hai.....?
Dulhan Sharmate Huye Boli-
" Humne to kabhi gairo ko bhi mana nahi kiya.
aap to fir b humare apne hai

pattiboy02 · White Belt Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 220

How 'Anna' is going to deal with these type of people

jimmie · Expert Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 357

SULAB SAUCHALAY
(MALE DOGS ONLY)

shekharinvest · Yellow Belt Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 549

There are two sisters. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM)
and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are walking down a dark road, still far
away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: Its logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What
can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has
happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,
so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I
could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than a man with his pants down....

(And those of you who thought it would be dirty,
pray for your souls)

pattiboy02 · White Belt Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 220

shekhar

this is one of your's best shot 2guns

pattiboy

amitkbaid1008 · Yellow Belt Joined: 04 Mar 2009 Posts: 540

Indian Locations and their funny translations

महा राष्ट्र = Big Nation
सौ राष्ट्र = Hundred Nations
राज स्थान = Kings Place
रानी खेत = Queen Field
श्री नगर = Mr. City
उदय पुर = Rising City
नैनी ताल = Eye Tunes
सूरत = The Face
कन्या कुमारी = Unmarried Girl
हरि द्वार = God's Gate
ईटा नगर = Brick City
ऋषि केश = Saint's Hair
लाल किला = Red Nail
जाम नगर = Peg City

Punter · White Belt Joined: 23 Sep 2008 Posts: 53

Love Thy Neighbour.......

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.
..........

How do you disable Pakistani missiles ?
Cut the rubber band
..........

How do you sink a Pakistani submarine?
Tap on the hatch while its submerged.
..........

'An insect falls into a mug of beer....
Englishman : Throws his mug away and w alks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer..
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.
.............

Scene: trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one side,suddenly Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts! "Oye Abdul!" Guy pops up from other trench "Kya hai be" BANG! He's shot dead! "Oye Karim" 2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala" BANG BANG both are killed! "Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! Another two down! Pakis get worried, they think saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? Decide to try it themselves. "Abe Gurdev Singh" silence "Oye Gurdev Singh!!" silence "O bhai, Gurdev Singh!" "Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula rahahai re?" Paki gets up, "It's me,Ashraf!" BANG!

shekharinvest · Yellow Belt Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 549

Man goes to Doctor saying he has a problem with his sex life. Doctor tells him to summarize a day in his life

He says well I wake up early have a quick screw with my wife, then have breakfast and a shag and off to work where I normally have a quick bonk with my receptionist, go down to the typing pool for a quick play with a typist and then home to wife for a quick shag and lunch. Back to work, normally have a screw or too with a few clients and one of the partners wives then home for a quick shag before tea, then get to bed early for a proper love making session with my dearest.

Doctor (Overworked /burnt out ) suggests that this doesn't sound too bad really.

He says Maybe not but it gets really sore when masturbating

vinst · Black Belt Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 3303

shekharinvest · Yellow Belt Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 549

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brothers, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin.

When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank together."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "By Jesus, everyone is fine!

Tis me ... I've quit drinking!" Mr. Green

shekharinvest · Yellow Belt Joined: 21 Dec 2007 Posts: 549

The international food shortage

Recently, a worldwide survey was conducted and the only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about the solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was, not surprisingly, a huge failure. Because:

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And, in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.